Facing One's Lumps
Posted on 03/19/2021 @ 4:05pm by Captain Cornelius Harrington
2,279 words; about a 11 minute read
Mission:
Mission 21: The Trouble with Technology
Location: Transporter room 3
Timeline: Upon Harringtons return
On
To be honest, Neil had mixed feelings, the station had become a home and yet he wasn't sure that home would still welcome him. The Admiral was correct, staying in the uniform might just be harder work. He looked down at the padd in his hand. He couldn't bring himself to watch it again. The pain and anguish in his mother’s eye was too much. He had spent so long blaming her for never doing anything that he never stopped to see it from her perspective
Yes, he hated his father that wasn't going to change. But at that moment, as he watched her crying on the screen he knew that she loved the man. He tucked the padd into a pocket as he looked to the transporter Chief, "energize." He wasn't sure who would be on the other side. Tom had filled him in briefly on the current status but spoke nothing of his arrival. Honestly, after everything that had happened, he half expected nothing to be on the other end.
Liam had been surprised to get orders from Rice to go be the welcoming committee for a returning Harrington. He kind of understood why he got it though. Seklar had of course just had a baby and well-doing this out in a public place well it was too unpredictable for Rice. That man liked everything neat, controlled, and no surprises. Of course, he wasn't averse to doing it.
"Adm ..... Captain," he corrected himself seeing the pips. "Welcome back to Starbase 50. Did you have a pleasant trip sir?" he asked looking around wondering if they were waiting for the rest of his family. As soon as the man locked eyes on him he could sense a confliction of sadness and anger. The man was holding on to some grief.
"The rest of the family is back on Earth," he noted the man looking behind him. They will be along later. For now, you just get me, " he smiled. "And the trip was as pleasant as can be expected. So, is this my welcoming committee, or my first mandatory therapy session," he cracked a smile hoping Liam would know he was kidding.
"Perhaps a little of column A and column B," Liam quipped. "It is nice to have you back sir. Im not sure if you know this yet. Captain Rice has requested that you attend regular sessions, with a Counselor. You got me," he smiled.
His exact phrase had been - the Counselor will be required to submit a fit for duty report as it relates to his ability to do the job. Liam suspected he wanted to keep a close eye on the other man he had uttered the words anything personal discussed is between Harrington and his Counselor.
"But let's keep that part for my office ahh. And focus on column A."
"It's good to be back Liam," he acknowledged, "and I am aware of Rice's requirements. For now, if that is what is needed to regain some level of trust then I will comply." In his mind, he knew that Liam being Betazoid meant that he couldn't keep a secret from him. He reached out placing a hand on the man's shoulder, "before we go too far, I need to say I am sorry. I know that what I asked of you, Selkar, Sara, and a few others was not right. It wasn't fair of me to expect you to keep my secret."
"If we are honest, I didn't expect to be wearing this uniform again. But, I know it is a privilege and I also know that I have a lot of trust to rebuild. It will take time, but I hope I can..."
"It was a complicated situation sir," Liam said honestly. "You got stuck between duty and family. Your not the first person. You most certainly won't be the last. But we can talk about rebuilding trust of course and I accept your apology but remember I chose to aid in it. Others did too. So its not all on you sir."
Neil took in a deep breath, "thank you, Liam." The man wasn't sure what the station had heard or not heard since his trial, he felt the need to say something just in case. "Starfleet has granted Adira citizenship, but they are requiring her to go through the proper steps," he smirked, "the ones that I skipped over." He smiled. "In the meantime, the kids will remain on Earth with her, while she gets reacquainted with her family. I also reached out to Tess' grandparents, so she will be spending some time with them as well."
"I have to admit, I am not sure I know what to do when I get home to an empty room, but I will learn. I haven't had a quiet, carefree home in a long time. This will be different," he nodded as the two continued to walk down the corridor to the nearest turbolift. "Main Operations," Neil placed his hand on the keypad. "How are things with you and Juni," he asked? He knew that they had been testing that long-distance relationship thing. He looked over to Liam.
"Well, I don't need to be telepathic to see that look," he sighed. "My apologies, I guess the distance was harder then planned?"
Liam sighed and debated whether to share this but as Hartington was entwined in part of the problem he decided he ought too or Juni might be stuck in the same pattern repeatedly.
“I’ll be honest issues were there before she went home too. Juni has a hard time balancing the amount of energy she puts on herself to ensure she doesn't let you down. Sometimes I felt sidelined there. Like I said balancing duty and family or in this case, personal life is never easy. If she does return maybe you could try to get her to listen that the mistakes of her past I.e letting down her previous CO does not mean you will repeat them. Not does it mean you always have to go above and beyond sideling other things. She certainly didn't want to hear or face that from me, ” Liam told him honestly.
“Also when you hesitate still after even both your deities give you a golden blessing....” that part hurt him the most he thought to himself, “I was all in there, ready to give my everything. Dedicate myself to her, to us. She wasn't. And after months still hesitated.
Long-distance felt like the final nail. I mean if her family weren't so intent on trying to keep her there and marry her off to a suitable candidate maybe we wouldn't be where we are now. Life is complicated yes?” he stated.
"I am truly sorry to hear that," Neil replied, "I know that her past was always a roadblock. She seemed terrible of either repeating it, or not being able to move past it. She was always determined. Trust me when I say, I got chewed out more than a few times..." He sighed, "if she returns, then I hope she will have taken time to recoup a bit. But, then again I don't know the details of why she left so," he shrugged, "who knows."
"The Alcaren government is a bit tricky, yes they are a protectorate, but they are still highly xenophobic. There are many in her society who I am sure are still not happy she wears the uniform of a Starfleet Officer."
"I offered to go with her, but her concerns were of the same thread there. I would be in for a world of pain due to xenophobia.
Anyway, I suppose I should go through some of the changes. So Juni's position - Lieutenant Samson has stepped up. The CMO has just had her baby. Oh, she's adorable. I was there. Sara asked me to be godfather. She's called Ariel. I'm not sure who is stepping up while she's on mat leave though. Major Patton has a fair few marines and well actually most departments seem to be growing. I've had a couple of new counselors. There are more alien ambassadors who joined us too. Ermm my mother will be coming back and forth for Betazed. I'm going to apologize in advance there."
Neil was walking giving the occasional nod, till that last bit settled in. He stopped in his tracks, "that is the second time I have heard something about Betazed mothers and an apology." He looked at Liam, "and I just got here. Is there something I need to know?" He half smirked wondering what the heck was going on. "Wait, did you say Sara had her baby," he realized he honestly hadn't been paying attention, just listening. "I need to see Seklar, when it's a good time, I suppose."
“Betaziod mothers tend to be Betaziod mothers, ” Liam commented. “Yes. Both Sara and baby are fine. Or certainly were last I saw them. There's no reason why you couldn't drop by with a gift for Ariel. I'm sure both Sara and Seklar would appreciate that.”
Neil nodded, "perhaps after a trip to Ops, I'd like to get a briefing on where things stand with regards to the nanites and our murder investigation." He laughed, " not exactly what I had hoped for, my first day back but we can't always get things our..." he paused realizing the irony in the statement, "way," he finished.
"Things are definitely going to be very different," he commented.
"Well you like a challenge sir," Liam said simply. "If you need anything you know where I am and I will get some sessions scheduled in."
The two walked for a bit in awkward silence, till Neil stopped. Extending his hand, he stopped Liam. He didn't really mean to touch the man, just speak to him while no one was around. "Can someone come back from singing like this?"
He forced a smile, "I know I have a reputation, I'd be stupid to not see it. Rebuilding the trust, sure but how does one move beyond what others see in him. That might be a bigger goal, I think." He was going to have a lot of alone time, for a while. No wife, no kids, nothing was waiting for him at the end of the shift. He honestly wasn't sure the quiet time would be a blessing. He needed the sounds of children playing, odd fussy toddlers, and of family. It brought him comfort.
But faced with his own thoughts every night, he couldn't help but wonder what demons would haunt him.
“If you want it enough and are willing to put time in then you can come back from anything. But I can't lie, not everyone's as forgiving as me. The key is it will take time. Your reputation, your married now. Show the world your a good husband and the other stories will be diminished to your younger lothario days, ” Liam said simply. “The lies, give people better things to start talking about.”
He sensed some loneliness off the man. He was missing his family. “Theres lots of things to do on the promonade if you find yourself at a loose end. I imagine it's going go be strange not having 5 other people in your quarters for a bit. Quiet too,” he offered. “Classes, recreation places. The worst thing you can do if I may sir, is hide away now both for the people your trying to win around again and for your own sanity.”
Neil's mind drifted to the padd in his pocket, there was so much there to unpack and process. None of which he truly wanted to face, his father was dead; the end. Yet, a part of him seemed even more upset then when he was living. It wasn't that he missed him, far from that, it was the things that were now going to be left unsaid for all time. He smiled, "I suppose sitting in my quarters in self pity probably wouldn't help."
Liam was correct the station did have a lot of offer and he was going to need to find something to fill that space; before the negative thoughts took over. "Hopefully, Starfleet won't take too much time sorting things out," he gestured down the corridor as he continued to walk.
Liam could only nod. "Do you .. I mean ... I don't mean to pry but your grieving Sir. Its very loud for an empath ... Im sorry .... but do you want to talk about that or shall we table it for another time. When you have settled in," he offered. He couldn't in good faith leave him without offering some support.
"We can talk more, once things gets settled," he commented replying, "I received notification that my father passed away on my travels here. Don't worry, we were not that close, " he smiled as he openly lied to a telepath, "I'm fine, I promise." It wasn't a complete lie, the two were not close but that hurt was still there boiling in the inside. Sooner or later he'd have to address it; with someone.
"Yes Sir," Liam said. "Well I'll let you get to Ops then. Again you know where I am if you need anything."
"Thank you Liam," Neil replied. He nodded before turning and heading off to Ops.
Liam nodded and headed in the other direction. He knew it wasn't a big untruth he sensed off the other man but he wondered if his CO would eventually trust him enough to stop with the little lies.
OFF:
Captain Neil Harrington
Commanding Officer
Lt. Cmdr Liam Reynolds
Chief Counselor
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