Late Night Reconciles...

Posted on 04/14/2023 @ 1:04pm by Captain Cornelius Harrington & Adira Toril-Harrington

4,215 words; about a 21 minute read

Mission: Mission 22: The Other Side of the Mirror
Location: Adiras room

Adira sat on the edge of her bed, staring out the window of the time ship. If only it could go back a matter of days. Her left hand twitched, and she felt a sharp pain radiating down her leg and exiting her foot. She still felt like she was being electrocuted, and it was possible she always would.

She picked up her left hand and watched as her fingers twitched on their own for a long moment until the sight of it made her sick to her stomach. She groaned and dropped her hand in to her lap, gripping it with her right hand. She let her eyes focus on the window for a bit until they focused on her reflection.

The cuts had been closed, but the burns would take frequent treatment to fade from her skin., and her hair... it was broken, frizzy, and stiff. It felt like the ends of rope, where some of it had been melted in fire. The damage was bad, and she didn't know how much of her hair would be able to be saved. The idea of losing her hair made a tear full her eye. It may be vain, but she had always taken extra good care of her hair; she'd always felt it was her best feature. It felt like it was a symbol of losing her identity. She still didn't know who she was, and now she was even more confused.

Neil and Thorrin had sold her out? Or did they? Or did they change their mind? What about Adem? What about Jonus? And Tess, Mikey, Ari, and Charlie? She dropped her head in her hands as the confusion made her head hurt again, but the feel of her hair and the twitching of her fingers irritated her even more and so she dropped her hands again and gripped them hard.

Neil had been pacing for almost 20 in the corridor outside Adira's quarters before he finally got the courage to press the door chime button. To be honest he wasn't sure how much time she needed. Would she want to see him? She'd been through so much, and the last thing she needed was more pressure. Time heals all wounds, but in some ways this relationship had already had enough time.

Adira raised her head and drew in a deep breath, not knowing who it was. She didn't bother to check, "It's open." She called grateful her voice had returned well, and the damage to her tongue was healed just enough to not slur her speech. She watched the windows as the door opened. Judging from the blurred reflection, it was Neil. Was he coming to explain? Beg forgiveness? Deny? What was true and what wasn't? She shuddered as she felt an infrequent twitch pull at her lower eyelid on the right, and her fingers Increased the speed at which they twitched. She decided to simply sit on her hand, hoping it would help.

"I'm not really sure what to say," he admitted, "I am positive, I'm sorry for what happened isn't quite enough. The man isn't my father, and yet I feel the need to apologize for his actions." He walked into the main room and sat in a chair opposite Adira. "You don't have to sit on your hands," he commented, "the doctor already mentioned the twitching.

He was nervous and knew that Adira could see through any lies, so there wasn't a point in sugarcoating any of this. "When Cornelius took me, back on Risa..." he paused, "I just had no ... he warned me to leave and put all this behind us. I should have listened."

He shrugged, "not that Thorrin would have allowed it."

Adira looked annoyed at the comment the doctor had mentioned the twitching, she pulled her hand out but closed it into her other hand. She pressed her lips together and looked out the window again, "No, you made a deal with him to remove a headache from your life... and Thorin caught you?" She questioned, "How else could that bastard know which transporter signal was mine?" She said before she turned to look at him, hoping her damaged hair and twitching eye made her look fierce, and not as defeated and weak as she truly felt.

"How did that bastard know how to find me on Risa," Neil asked her in a soft voice trying not to sound too aggressive. "Something tells me that this universe's Cornelius isn't that far off from my own father. When he took me, he was focused on why we were here. Who we had come to find? And why were they so important?"

"You are not a headache," Neil looked at her. He'd already lost someone he cared about, he wasn't going to lose another. "If anything I was the headache. When you came back from Earth, I was so mad. Mad at Starfleet, mad at myself, mad at everything; and it wasn't fair that I took it out on you."

"You gave up a lot to come here, and I should have trusted you."

Adira looked back out the window, "A few days ago I stood here in this spot. And somehow I had this feeling that you and Thorrin brought me here to leave me here. To right the imbalance of the universe I should have died, in this universe. Getting Ana out of here was only half the mission and I knew it. When Al Shaytan and Corneilius took me... it all seemed to be part of the deal. The fact I am back on this ship, with Thorrin rescuing me, and you sitting here...." she looked at Neil, "I'm so confused." she admitted.

Neil stood up moving closer to Adira, as he placed a hand on her shoulder, he spoke. "If you think I could do that, then you really don't know me." Probably wasn't the best reply, but he was being honest. "You and I are going through a rough patch but..." he paused.

"I could never leave you here," he added, "just like a couldn't leave Ana here, knowing that she was alive. We came here to fix a mistake from two years ago, and I fear that in another two years, Thorrin's going to knock on my door again."

"Frankly, if you and I never see the Mirror Universe again, that will be too soon. There are too many painful memories here." He couldn't bring up Ana's death and their official mission. Adira's state of mind was too fragile, and he didn't need her worried about all of that. Worried about him. He tucked away his feelings and emotions, for at the moment. "We've accomplished our goals here. Jack and his Marines are dealing with the Empire, Valentine is... that part of the mission is finished."

"No one on this ship understands what this place is," he sighed, "what this place does to you."

Adira felt her brows furrowing, "Yeah." she said slowly and backed up a bit. "I doubt there is anyone anywhere who would understand that like me..."

"I failed," he blurted out, "just like I failed you." He wasn't genuinely thinking as his mind went back to the last time he was in this universe. Tears welled up in his eyes, "you know you were laying on the floor just beyond that doorway," he held up his hand as he saw the red blood run down his fingers. He looked at her as he touched her cheek, "I was wrong about so many things," he told her. He pulled his hand back as he turned to look at the wall. "She changed," he shifted back to Ana. Lifting his hands, he touched the side of his face. "She was beaten, scared, and filled with so much hate. She blamed me for everything that had happened to her." He looked at Adira, she'd gone through the same things, and just like Ana she also blamed him.

"She tried to kill all of us down there. I didn't have a choice." He started to ramble. After everything Adira had been through this was probably the last thing she wanted to hear. Him talking about his former lover. But he couldn't stop himself, "she'd managed to escape if we had waited only a few minutes; all of this could have been fixed. But I didn't, I got scared, and I ordered the ship to leave. I was done losing people, so I just left. Left like I did with you rather than face the problem."

She looked over at him, he had only spoken of the other Adira's death once. Adira sighed, "I've seen that look in your eyes before when Tess died." She said. "But she isn't dead, and I'm not that Adira." She said. "You have to stop seeing me as her, she is a different person you lost, and I am a new person... that you promised loyalty and love to." She said, looking back out the window thinking of the red Hairs in Tess' hands, evidence he had cheated only a few days ago.

"You deserve far better," he admitted, "sometimes I wonder if it was selfish asking you to come here and take over someone else's life. You gave up so much to come here." Neil just stood there, "I need to," he paused, "I should have treated you better."

"I agree with that, however, I gave up a death sentence to go to your universe," she said. "Going there saved my life, and for that, I had determined to endure anything." She shook her head, "But as time went on and I had a taste of a real life, a family, a husband, I wanted it for myself again. I started to come out of hiding, I started to believe I deserved the real thing, and I had found it." she gripped her arms. "You should have treated me better... what caused this sudden change of heart?" she asked him with a dubious tone.

"Before we left, I let everything get to me. All that hurt, anger, and pain. All the loss," he stopped, "oddly, coming here helped. Cornelius might have been an evil man, but some of his opinions were not that far.." he paused, knowing how Adira felt, "off." He thought for a moment, "our family is so splintered. Tess is barely speaking to me, you and I aren't living together, and with Kenzie's return, we will be losing Mikky soon. I'm tired of losing everything I love." He looked up at her, "that includes you." He swallowed hard.

"I know what Tess saw and what she told you," he admitted. "I wasn't sure you would even let me in here." He took a step forward, taking her hands before she could move, "there is a lot of hurt and things we need to talk about." He wasn't sure what to say. It was a one-night stand? It was never going to happen again? He didn't care for Astrid? What did she need to hear?

Adira felt her eye twitching with even more intensity, she started to pull her hands away, but he gripped them just slightly. It was enough for her to pause and look up at him. "If I was in my right mind I wouldn't have. You betrayed me... but whats worse is you hurt Tess. She trusts you about as much as I do right now. Screw me over Neil, and you crossed one line, but you crossed a whole other line." she said her anger coming to the surface. "If you really have moved on from me, so be it, but betraying the trust of my kids... That can't happen Neil." she said passionately. "I can't defend you in the eyes of the angel who sees you as her one and only hero." she said.

"This means I need to work on getting our family back together," Neil looked at her, pulling her closer if that was possible. "I have a lot to work on, and things that need to be discussed," he added, "but we are a family, you and me. I need to start acting like it." He didn't know what else to say. "I have leave saved up when we get back family first. The station can wait."

She blinked at him a moment, she wanted to hear those words, but she did not trust them. Not yet at least. "So what... tried out a different color and decided it wasn't good enough? We were taking some distance to work on ourselves, that didn't include sleeping around." she said pulling her hands back. She felt the twitching in her hand get a little more intense, it frustrated her as she felt the sharpness of the pain traveling through the damaged nerve that made her hands move on their own. "Why?" she demanded as she shook her hands trying to stop the pain.

"Because," he stopped. "When Cornelius took me, and I didn't know what was going on... it wasn't the uniform I thought about. It wasn't the station or anyone there. All I could think about was you and the kids. How I might never see you again. And then when I saw her," he paused, his voice cracked. "I saw her broken, angry, hurt... I caused that."

He didn't want to hear about the possibilities or the lives he save he knew that already. "I was the reason she was angry." He sighed, "and then I thought of you. All the hurt and anger I caused you. In a different setting, you could have been her." He knew that wouldn't settle right, "metaphorically speaking."

"Something has to change, and that something is me," he added. "I...." he didn't know what else to say.

She looked confused for a moment, "Who?" she asked. "DO you mean Ana? You saw Ana?" she asked him. Had he really changed? Could she trust that change or would he stray again in a few months. If he did she knew she could never trust him again, she didn't know if she could trust him even now, but she wanted to. He had been her ally and guardian for so long, until Starfleet got in the way and screwed with their heads, made them question everything.

He had just told her, he brushed off the confusion; a lot was going on. "Yes, I saw her," he replied, "and I am the one that took her out of this universe. Out of all universes..." he wasn't sure how to reply. "I couldn't convince her to come back."

He had accomplished his mission while she had been captured. She felt a strange feeling of relief to know Ana was not going to be an issue, not going to be the one to further get between her and Neil. "And her refusing to come back changed you? Made you want to restore the family with me?" she asked him trying to gain clarity. She knew that a side effect of the torture was a muddled brain as much as the twitches.

"All of it," Neil stated, "life is too short, and we," he stopped, "I allowed things to interfere with my judgement. I need to get my priorities straight. Healing things with you and especially with Tess. I'm not sure how, but together," he extended a hand, "I hope we can make this right." He couldn't put it into words, and he knew she wanted a better explanation.

Adira hesitated, keeping her ever-trembling hand pressed against her stomach. "And you'd have felt differently if Ana has been ready for a rescue and wanted to go home?" She questioned him. She needed to know if the catalyst was Ana's choice or not.

"I saw in here, and in my father, well this universes version of my father, everything that could have gone wrong. Ana was the past, and yet the past came back to haunt me. What I saw done there was a shell of something that I use to know. She'd changed, she'd become something different. The truth is I don't know what part of that change was a result of my action, but I knew that things needed to change." He sighed, "I have a family, four beautiful children and a wife," he smiled, "you all are the best thing that ever happened to me and I let it all slip from me, and why?"

"Pride, anger, fear," he looked at her, "I couldn't let the people I care about become the next Ana." He knew that wasn't worded right, but hoped she understood. "I made a few mistakes," he looked at her, "ok, some severe mistakes. But, seeing her made me realize that my action has consequences. If I don't fix things with Tess, could she become hateful like that? If I don't fix things with you, how long till you hate me? Finding you," he moved closer wrapping his arms around her, "and you, not the other one. You," he emphasized the word, "changed me, and I need to do whatever I can to fix this."


Adira couldn't help but to lean in to him. For a brief moment thr pain in her body faded away and she felt the physical touch she'd been craving for months. She felt her good arm curl around thr back of his arm as she laid her head against his chest and sniffed. She didn't want to cry. She was too proud to cry right now. "I want to trust you Neil. Desperately want to trust you. But I'm still scared. How can we fix this? So much had happened now... things said and done that neither of us can ever forget..."

"One step at a time," he just held her, "we take it one step at a time, and probably a lot of counseling," he laughed. "Nothing is impossible and we have to trust that even this can be worked on." His brain knew that in order to work on this, when they got back they would need a vacation. Some time as a family to rebuild trust.

She almost scoffed, "last time we took a vacation is when all this trouble began." She said. She looked up at him, both annoyed at herself for being so close to him. And satisfied she finally had him again. "You can't see me like her ever again. I'm a unique person and very different. Don't ever make me feel like you're comparing again..." she pleaded. "I can't pretend to be her to keep the peace any more, and I did that. A lot. Even with you. "

He touched the side of her face, "that was unfair of me, and you are right. You can't live in the shadow of someone else. She isn't you and you are not her," he smiled, "it's time we all move on from her and all of this."

Adira let out a sigh. "I agree." she said touching his hand on her face. "It is absolutely time, but we need to figure out how Neil. And how we do that without confusing or hurting our kids again... and then there's my child..." she said with a pained face.

A warm smile graced Neil's face as he spoke, despite his hatred for the idea of counseling. "We'll continue with our counseling and keep our priorities in check," he said. He knew that the help of someone with outside eyes could make all the difference. "The kids are young, and most of them will adapt. But Tess," he let out a deep sigh, "she's going to need some extra attention. I know my daughter, though. She'll be upset, but I'll do whatever it takes to get through to her." As for her own son, Neil admitted he didn't know what to expect. "It's going to take a lot of work to break the conditioning he's had with Adam, but we'll do it together."

Taking her hand in his own, Neil pulled her close. "We'll get through this. We've been through worse before," he reassured her. "I'll give you all the space you need, especially with Jonas. I'm glad he's back in your life, and I know it'll take time. But I also know you're determined, and he'll be just fine... eventually." His eyes locked onto hers, filled with a sense of calm and certainty. "I love you, and we'll get through this together."

Adira felt a tear prick her eyes, "Jonus isn't back yet... He doesn't know me... he's trapped with Adam, and from what I saw, he's horrible." she bit her lip, "Its my job as his mother to ensure he is rescued. Thorrin said we have to examine the time line.... if... if we can go back to just after the fake deaths and rescue him as a toddler, it would be like starting over with him. He's hardly older than Charlie." she said. "I saw screw the timeline, I don't care if it has an impact. I need to get him back before Adam messes him up."

Neil reassured her, "leave it to Thorrin. I know he has his faults, but he's loyal. If he can get Jonas, he will." He took a deep breath, "and in the meantime, we work on us and the rest of the family. The last thing Jonas needs is another hot mess. This is important to you, so it's important to him. Besides, Charlie needs another male to help balance the odds."

Adira chuckled a bit, at that before she met Neils eye, "Its hard to trust Neil. He rescued me, so that helps, but I'm still scared. I'm still scared about us, and Jonus... he's my baby. I have to do something." she sighed, "There is only so long I can wait for him to act." she warned him.

"To be honest, I struggled with trust when it came to all things Thorrin, especially after everything that happened with us," Neil replied, "and with this whole Valentine thing. I mean, the man monitors the timeline and supposedly vetted you. How did he miss Adam and Jonas?"

Neil took a breath, "but I also saw his compassion, and I know that he values friendship. It must be hard to allow people in, given his career choice. If he says he can rescue Jonas, then I believe him."

He smiled, "but that doesn't mean I trust him or the DTI, not yet, at least."

"I asked him the same. He knew about Adam but not Jonus. He said Adam had kept him quiet enough to keep him off records, but he will work on correcting that so that they can figure out his timeline. I hope we can rescue him when he is young." She sighed. "I'm not sure what to trust with that; I find it rather unbelievable, but what can I do about it? Be angry he kept it to himself and continues to lie to me if he did know. Or maybe he truly didn't? I can never really know, but he did rescue me, and it would have been easier to let me die to complete the timeline restoration here. Yet he still rescued me." she sighed.

Neil took both arms and pulled her in; he hadn't held her in so long. Truly held her. He embraced her, "we will figure this out, it's going to take some time, but we will. And if," he paused, "Thorrin kept Jonas a secret from you, well, we will address that too. And address it with whoever will listen."

"I may have a few enemies, but there are still many out there that respect me and will listen," he looked her in the eyes, "I've missed you."

Adira relaxed a little as he looked down at her. His support in regard to Jonus was encouraging. She believed Thorrin, but there was always the nagging question. He was still a mystery in so many ways, and as much as he seemed to be so genuine, Adira wasn't convinced yet she could trust him in all things. There was always that question of what if?

She closed her eyes and laid her head against his chest, hearing his heartbeat. There was silence for a long moment as she slid her arms around his middle. Despite the fact she still felt hurt for all the betrayals and fights the last couple of months, the pain of them felt dulled now. There were bigger things that demanded her emotional attention, and the fact Neil was standing with her now was enough to set the hurts aside for the moment.

Her grip on him tightened more as she felt herself simply connecting to him again, and after a moment, she felt like a wall inside crumbled down. She needed this badly. All the loneliness started to melt away as she finally looked up at him, "I've missed you too." she said.

Neil picked her up as the computer dimmed the lights. They had a lot to deal with and work out, but for now, he only wanted to focus on this moment; for now, nothing else mattered.

---

Captain Neil Harrington
Commanding Officer

Adira Toril Harrington
Temporal Field Agent

 

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